I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
