This girl is more easily done than said...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
