Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
