I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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