Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
