I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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