I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
