i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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