I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
