I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
