she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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