woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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