you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
