Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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