im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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