Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
