His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's a Shit stain on my heart
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
