We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
