Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
