I smell stomach acid.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
