Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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