Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
