you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
