my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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