also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
