I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
