I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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