She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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