oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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