Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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