she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
