i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Porn is love you can see.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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