what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
