McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
