Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
