Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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