had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your penis caused this!
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