Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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