Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
