Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
