Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
