you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
