Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
