I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
