what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
