you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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