1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
