Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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