do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
