I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we're making bets on your personal life
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
