They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
