Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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