I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
