the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
