I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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